I feel particularly shitty today. I don't know why. I know I complain waaay too much on here for my own good, but. I just want to clear my mind. That's the only real reason I do blogs, just to say what's on my mind. Well, this might be one of those blogs where you look at it and say "Who cares?" and move onto the next one. Whatever. I just want to sift through everything right now. So, yeah. Buckle in. Hah.
I just realized how lonely I am. I mean, not "Boo hoo, I have no friends and everybody hates me. Might as well go hide in a corner" lonely, but like "Everybody has a boyfriend and people to confide in when they want to except for me" lonely. That's the lamest kind of lonely. I had a boyfriend. Past tense. Had. I was only in grade nine, he was my first boyfriend and I was all pumped that someone actually liked me so I didn't really see the fact that I didn't 'love' him like I said I did when I left the conversation on MSN with him. Yeah, MSN. He lived an hour away and I only got to see him during that summer and maybe once every few months- if I was lucky. But yeah. It was a really pathetic relationship. I eventually broke up with him because I couldn't stand living in some lie (I know that sounds soap opera-ish, but it's true). Close to our one year anniversary. 
I hate that, you know? When people in high school are young but when they go out with some guy, they make anniversaries like as if they were married. I was that loser that fussed over what they should get them for Valentines Day and whatnot. It was ridiculous. I don't see how my friends could stand it. I don't see how I could stand it. Really. But yeah. Now I'm going into grade 11 and all my friends have, or will have, boyfriends. Except for me. I feel...stupid, I guess is how I explain it to myself. I'm going to graduate without one, too. Because, honestly, nobody in my grade is worth going out with. Their either a jerk or taken. Hah. Like the perfect guy: either gay or married. Well, the guys in my school aren't gay, they're jerks. And you know what, even if they were gay, I wouldn't care. I'd go out with a gay guy. I found my 'soul mate' on a school trip and he was gay. Probably the most gorgeous guy I've met in real life and he was gay. Pshh, just my luck.
But yeah. I look around and see everybody with someone else, holding hands and cuddling. Part of me wants to throw up and the other part wants to cry because I want to be that person. I want to make other people gag a little bit. Hah. I don't know what I want. But I want something more than just an online/MSN/never-get-to-see-you-ever relationship. Whatever I get, I'm not going to do the whole P.D.A thing. That's just gross. I think holding hands is enough for me thank-you-very much. Keep your toungue in your own mouth, there's kids around for God's sake. Anyways.
And why is it that I always fall for the guys who graduated and I'll never have a chance with? Hmm? I don't find that fair. There's this one guy who graduated 2 years ago and I'm like in love with him. I know that's really creepy but, I can't help it. He has everything I look for in a guy. But he's in college and has a girlfriend to top things off. Bah, it sucks. I suck. Whatever. I think I'm done now. You can move onto the next more interesting blog now. Thanks.

Blah. I'm bored. Well, my burn has turned into a tan now. So I look even more ridiculous, with pale everything except knees. God, I'm hopeless when it comes to gaining a little colour.  Really. It's pathetic. Maybe I'm just destined to be a white marshmellow the rest of my life. Maybe. Maybe.
Anyhow, today is super boring. I've done nothing but sit in front of this damned computer and have a shower. Well, I'm going to my nana's and she doesn't have a computer, so I'spose that I'm trying to get all my computer time in now. So I'm not freaking out and wondering if I have any emails.
You know what? I'm really obsessed with The Office all of a sudden. Jim is soo adorable. I love him. Geeeeee, I want it on DVD so bad. He's so cute. And Pam is just perfect with the shy flirting. She's like me. Heehee. Anyways. Yeah, I went on a The Office icon raid today. So I have tons (more like 10) of icons of Jimmy-boy. Yum. Hah. Oooh, tv. What would you do without all the hot guys on it. You know who else is really cute on tv? Greg Saunders from CSI: Las Vegas. He was the reason I started watching the show. But now, I'm a CSI freak. I watch it all the friggin' time. Ooh, Greg (aka Eric Szmanda), I love you as well. Not as much as Johnny Depp though. He's my future husband, I'll have you know. And the Easter Bunny's going to be the Best Man. Pshh, I'll never even meet Johnny Depp. But I'm striving towards it. And being in a movie with him. Oh, Johnny. My idol. My hero. My biggest crush in the world. *Sigh*
Well, I hope everybody else is having a wonderful sunny day because I'm sure as hell am not. It's so sad that it's sunny and nice out when school is still in, crappy when school gets out, sunny and nice for a week or two, crappy weather when it gets closer to school starting. Psh. I hate it. But yeah, I am a little excited for school. For musical mostly. I think I already said this. Or maybe it was in my Myspace blog. Anyways. We're doing High School Musical. I'm playing Taylor MacKessie, the brain Queen. Heehee, I'm just glad I got another sarcastic character. Sarcasm is the best. But yeah. I'm not I like the movie, cause I don't, but the play sounds a little better. I think just because the people at my school could act the socks off the regular people in the movie. Hah, it's funny because we have like all the same characters. Even the guy at the Science Decathalon who points and says that Gabreiella won. How lame is that? But yeah, I'm a little pumped for this play. It's going to be all hype though, and by teh time performance nights come...I just hope people aren't disappointed.
Anyways, yeah. School's almost here and I have no new clothes. I know that's totally girlie of me to say, but I like getting new clothes for school. I found like a bunch of t-shirts at Hot Topic but yeah, a lot of money. I need new jeans, that's what I really need. But whatever. I probably won't even wear jeans the first week of school, just shorts. My plaid shorts. Man. I'm having an affair with plaid or something, but I like it. 

Meh, I should go and straighten my hair. Keep on rockin'.

Today. It poured. No joke, it was ridiculous. So since it wasn't such a blistering hot day out, mom decided we would clean out the laundry room. Great fun that was. Not. It was awful. First off, I hate small spaces. I am totally claustrophobic, it's not even funny. I mean, I get a little "Hee-hee-hoo" breathing and whatnot, but I also get all this anger or energy pent up inside me so I have this undying urge to punch someone in the head. So there we were: mom, Neal and me, in this little room. Neal was being a smartass and getting on everyone's nerves so that really didn't help my bad mood. Then, I'm like....super-allergic to dust and junk. So, of course, everything in that stupid room was coated in dust and lint. Well. Lemme me tell you, my nose almost- almost- fell off my face I was sneezing so much. I swear to God, I was going to kill someone. But I didn't. I got through it. We're still not done, but at least we're almost done. Thank God.
Tomorrow we're going camping. And I'm a little excited. Hah. I love camping. Camping, as weird as this may sound, makes me feel safe. I don't know what it is. I suppose it's the fact that everybody is like, crowded around in one place. I love the sound of campfires, and people cheerfully talking about God only knows what. Sure, some of them may be drunker than Hell, but still. I feel safe. I also love being cold, sitting around a fire wearing a sweatshirt. Hah, I always look forward to that part and just staring into the fire. I'm a homegirl. I guess. Ugh, I don't know. I just sounded like the world's biggest dork right then, but whatever. My cousin is coming with me, thank-you. I'm excited for that, as well. We have some a lot of good laughs. I can tell a lot of inside jokes are going to be formed tomorrow. Our secret language. And pictures, too. We take a lot of pictures. I love taking pictures. It's a little strange of how much I love to take pictures but whatever.
Ugh, I don't know what it is but there's this really strong soap smell coming from where I'm sitting and it's giving me a serious headache. I don't know where it's coming from. It just started not too long ago, but it's annoying. 
You know what else is annoying? How everything down in the basement (where I live, practically) is super-sized. Once there was the biggest spider I have ever laied eyes on outside of a zoo on the stairs outside my room. Dad killed it thankfully, but it was disgusting how big it was. Well, last night, after coming back from the bathroom, I remembered there was some random junk on my floor. I thought "Well, I might as well throw it out." So I turned on my light and there was this huge cricket. It scared the effing crap out of me. It was really gross, when I smushed it. It got all like, bulgy at the head of it and a leg was still twitching that was dismembered. It was pretty messed. But yeah. I hate bugs. I'm not being girly or whatever. I just hate them. The way they walk, the way the look, the way the eat: everything. It's sick and they have no point on this earth. Thank-you.
Ugh, well...I'm going to go try and write some of my writing journal for English One. Stupid Richard the Third. I hate you. I hate you like the worm hates the bird....I was trying to be Shakespeare-ish, but it didn't really pan out, did it? Anyways, I'll leave you to ponder if I'm actually the biggest loser you've ever met (or read about) or not. Hah. Keep on rocking.